~Yes Or No?~

Dear Readers  – First things first, I would to like extend a warm welcome too all new readers on my site and the ones that have been around since I started writing blog posts. I now have 400+ readers on my site and I am grateful for all the engagement, support and inspiration to keep on writing!

I was inspired to write this post after listening to a Ted Talk by Shonda Rhimes. If you don’t know, she is the writer/mastermind behind at least 4 hit American TV shows. I recommend you listen to it at least once. This post is me thinking  writing my thoughts out loud and sharing it with you.

What I wanted to write about today is how often you say – Yes or No. I wanted all of us to consciously think about what we say more often.

What do you do you a daily basis with people and their requests?

Do you usually say Yes? If you do, do you say yes because you want to do something? Or do you do it to make other people happy?

On the reverse side of things, do you usually say No to things? If so, why do you say no? Is it because you don’t want to do something? Or is it your general first response to anything?

I feel saying yes, opens doors to things you otherwise wouldn’t have experienced. That said, I don’t mean saying yes to every single request or invitation you get from people. For me, I say yes when I genuinely want to do something. But a couple of times, I have said maybe, when I really know it is a ‘No’, but I feel it is just too harsh to just say No directly. I now think I shouldn’t be saying Maybe when I really mean ‘No’. Anyone else on the same boat?

Other times, I say No. And most of the times, I just say, No, sorry! Then, I get thinking, why am I apologizing for saying ‘No’ to something I don’t wanna do or fits in my schedule? I am learning more to say, No, I am not able to do that, un-apologetically, without finding or giving reasons and without feeling guilty.

So, why do we feel guilty about saying ‘No’ to not doing something? We say ‘No’, then we feel guilty about it, when we know we are already stretching ourselves too thin by the things we already have to do? Even if we are not too busy and we can’t do something, why can’t we just say “No, I am not able to do that” without apologizing or giving any specific reasons as to why.

If you say ‘No’ to things very often, why do you think you say that?

Do you think saying yes will open new doors to experiences you wouldn’t otherwise have experienced? 

Do you usually find yourself saying No and then apologize for it? Or give people reasons for why you can’t do something? Why do you feel the need to apologize or provide reasons?

Do you find yourself saying Yes to everyone at your own expense or to please people?

This is a very open ended posts where I want to encourage readers to think about, Yes or No without feeling feeling. If you can’t, why not?

Let’s discuss in the comments below.

As Always,

Stay curious & Have a Peaceful Day!

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17 thoughts on “~Yes Or No?~

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  1. Interesting to think about!

    I think I have said “No” too many times. People simply don’t bother asking me.
    That is for any kind of social events.

    As for helping people out, I wish more people would ask me for help.
    But domehow they think I am young and don’t have experience.
    While usually I find quick solutions.
    Google is your friend you know 😉

    Liked by 1 person

    1. When you say No? Do you just say No, or do you provide a reason? or apologize? Just curious!

      I feel it is really hard for people to ask for help for whatever reason. I feel, more of us should start asking for help when in need, worst you will get is a no and best case scenario you get the help you need and bond better with the person because you trust them enough to ask for their help 🙂

      Ha Ha, true. Google solves most of our problems!

      Liked by 1 person

  2. This reminds me of the movie “Yes Man” with Jim Carrey. Have you seen it?
    I used to say yes a lot but ended up canceling plans so much that I’ve gotten better at saying no and I am also working on not apologizing as much. I’ve learned that no one is going to take care of me but me, so I need to put myself first.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Yes, absolutely I have. I actually thought about that movie a bit when I was writing this post. It is quite a funny movie!

      Agree with your last sentence. And it’s great that you are starting to say no as a complete sentence instead of backing out later 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

    1. Makes sense. This is probably why people say Yes most times even when they want to say no.

      For some reason, it reminded me of an episode from “Friends”( have you watched it?), one of the characters, Phoebe says: ” I won’t be able to do it, because I don’t want to.” 😀

      I completely agree with your last sentence, so true!

      Like

  3. I am admittedly one of those people who say yes to things that end up compromising myself. I have become really jaded lately because it. I have had some really shitty things happen to me because of it. I think I may even be in need of a people pleaser anonymous group to help deal with my people pleasing tendencies. Becoming cynical and distrustful due to extending that extra hand and not really getting it in return has taken a toll on me. I think we need to be more mindful of what we say yes to. It could be something with genuinely good intentions like a friend taking us out of our comfort zone, or having to deal with someone trying to take advantage of your good nature and want to help people. The worst situations are people who ask for help and believe that their intentions are good or benign but fail to understand the impact that asking that favour has on the person they’re asking it of. Sometimes saying no makes you feel like a bad person. I’m not perfect either as I have also benefited off of people and not have been as appreciative as I could have. How do you say no without feeling guilty or being afraid that saying no could cause future problems?

    https://onlyindreamssite.wordpress.com

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Wow, thank you for putting in so much thought into your comment. Seems like you have been saying yes to the point where you are burning yourself out and you have self-admittedly become more jaded.

      Please take better care of yourself by saying no more often, without guilt and without apologies. To answer your question of “how you say no without feeling guilt” think of it as, if you can’t take care of yourself, you can’t take care of anyone else and even if you do, you will feel resentment. Start saying no more often as a way of taking care of yourself and you will feel so much better AND bonus you will have established some boundaries with people that have become used to getting a ‘yes’ from you all the time. Please check out this post:

      https://passionforlotion.wordpress.com/2018/04/02/three-days-three-quotes-challenge-day-3/

      Would love to know your thoughts:)

      Like

  4. I’ve often used “maybe” in place of just saying “no” to someone. It’s not great and I definitely have grown to be more assertive now. When I was younger I was terrible at saying “yes” too much. I hate admitting I was a former “people pleaser” – or well tried to be. Then I went through a phase of saying “no” probably too much and missed out for sure on opportunities in my life. I think now I have a healthier balance. I try to just take a moment to weigh the options when presented with a yes or no type question, favor, etc.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. That’s good to hear you are no longer a people pleaser because that can be mentally and physically exhausting.

      It’s good that now you take some time to think about your options before you say yes or no right away. I do that too!

      Like

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